Zen jabbery
I attended an informal talk a few months ago, where it was suggested that I encourage others to meditate. I raised my hand and immediately expressed my concern and unease with this.
I don’t talk about Zen stuff very often. Well, okay, in this blog I do, but that’s different. Much of the time though, in my daily life, I try to completely avoid talking about Zen Buddhism or Zen meditation altogether.
There are several reasons for this.
1. A lot of people think meditation is weird. I’m not really interested in trying to convince people otherwise. Even though it’s probably the simplest thing a person can do. In Soto Zen, it involves sitting and staring at a wall. But this still seems to weird some people out.
2. I get the impression that a lot of people already think I’m kind of weird.
3. Before last year, I thought Buddhism was really, really, really boring. Really. I absolutely had no interest in it whatsoever and could not relate to it at all. Knowing this, I do my best not to waste my time – or other people’s – jabbering on about Zen stuff. The people who are genuinely interested, ask. The people who aren’t, just get defensive anyway.
4. I am not a Buddhist. I’m not sure I want to be a Buddhist. And yet it’s the closest I’ve come to feeling like I’m “home” in a very long time. I don’t know how to reconcile that, but that’s okay. But with this in mind, I do my best not to preach.
5. There are already enough people jabbering on about Zen and Buddhism. People much more qualified at it than me. But then there are those who like to jabber on and on and on…about nothing! I’m a writer – maybe not a great writer, but a writer nonetheless – and I love words. But Jesus Mary Mother of God, I don’t want to sit around and argue with some jackass with something to prove about the intricacies of the Vinaya. Snore! I have a life to live. So do other people.
Zen is such a strange, strange thing. And yet it’s so boringly normal. I don’t know how to express this experience to other people. I just have to live it. Or try to.
It is also very, very personal.
In my Zen class this week, my teacher asked us all why we come to the Zen Center.
The people who responded had really wonderful and touching replies.
I was not one of them.
I couldn’t answer. I knew if I opened my mouth to speak it would be waterworks all over the place.
So I bit my lip and made a joke instead.
Because I mean, how do I even begin to answer that question?
It’s unfathomable to me. Extremely personal. Absurd. Ridiculous. Serious. And yet, not serious at all.
I can’t even imagine not going to the Zen Center now. I can’t even imagine not meditating. How’s that for an answer?
p.s. Yes, I made up the word “jabbery.”
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February 25th, 2010 at 9:54 am
It’s arguable whether anyone ever really “talks about ” Zen.
February 25th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
True. Zen is kind of a “do” word. Or rather a “be” word. But words do help sometimes. Sometimes.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:54 am
I’m with you.
It seems like a curse in some ways, to ask people to participate in Qigong or the long Taijiquan form I teach. It’s too long of a boring dialogue to describe benefits, many of which are personal (and in some ways much more sophisticated that “get fit, get healthy”).
It seems like a curse, because I must… to continue teaching, bring people my way and yada-yada about these arts.
It’s easier on the internet than at the coffee shop.
February 25th, 2010 at 8:02 pm
I think the biggest hurdle, at least in my experience, is conveying to people that it’s not instant. You’re not going to “instantly” be healthy by doing Tai Chi, Qigong or by doing meditation. It’s a gradual thing – it takes time, focus, discipline – all things a lot of people don’t want to hear. But that’s okay. We’ll just keep on keepin on…
February 25th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
yeah, I’m kind of in the same boat. I work a full time job in a construction dept. for a Natural Gas utility. I think people know I’m a zen practioner, but no one asks, or mentions it. I assume they think I’m weird, but I just go about my business. so I don’t bring it up unless someone asks. But I’ve never discussed it with friends or anybody else unless they showed true interest, and even then… I’m careful on how much I say by how interested they are, if it’s just small talk.. I say very little.
Shindo
http://desolation-alley.blogspot.com/
February 25th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
It’s funny – even though many people might think meditation is weird, it has actually helped me become better at my job. My job can get pretty stressful – and I still get stressed out, don’t get me wrong – but not nearly to the extent that I used to. It makes me wonder sometimes what it would be like if everyone meditated. It also makes me wonder how other people go throughout their day without meditating! (I think that means I’ve officially crossed over into the dark side
)
February 26th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
First: I love your blog! You’re brave about revealing yourself– wait! what is self?!
– and you write so well. It’s a treat to read your posts. You name things I think and feel as well. Second: I’m in that same class and I didn’t exactly have a coherent answer for that question, either. Answering means thinking, and at the Zen Center my usual ways of thinking are suspended (which I clumsily described in class, and of course, I have no desire to look clumsy or show how vulnerable I feel. I often feel vulnerable at the Zen Center.) Third: My/our teacher has told me that we practice to open our hearts, and that the thing to do with feelings is feel them. I think letting the waterworks come would be like the punch in Tai Chi you described; it’s supposed to come from your gut – your center. So I encourage you (and myself) to be brave and be powerful with your feelings by feeling them in class.
February 27th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Hi Melanie! Yes you did – I thought your response in class was great!
It’s easier for me to talk about things in writing rather than in a class full of people, as strange as that may sound. I agree – this practice is about opening the heart. One of the most painful things ever! Lucky for me this is a practice that takes a lifetime, cause I don’t think I’ll ever be finished… See you in class.
February 26th, 2010 at 6:16 pm
The only people I ENCOURAGE to meditate are the people who tell me that they WANT to meditate. It doesn’t seem necessary for me to encourage other people to meditate, because those who want to do it will and those who don’t want to do it won’t. Besides, folks don’t start meditating b/c someone recommended it, but rather because nothing else has worked.
February 27th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
God, that’s the truth. Meditation is such a scary thing for so many people – just the thought of stopping and sitting down, even for 5 minutes, terrifies some people (it used to terrify me). So I can’t imagine trying to influence someone or push someone into meditating when they’re not ready. Might do more harm than good.