Obey My Blog

Now that my Qigong class has ended, I thought I’d do a recap to show you some of the things I’ve learned, rather than expose you, my dear readers (all three of you – thank you) to more of my silly ramblings. I also feel a tad bit guilty writing about my class here. Why? Because it’s always going to be one-sided – mine. Which is nice for me, but it’s not really a true discussion. I feel like I may not have always been fair to my teacher and maybe to a few of my classmates. I’ve tried my best to be honest here, though and never mean. Hopefully none of my thoughts here have come across that way.

Weird thing is (well, maybe it’s not that weird), by asking why and questioning this class and my teacher I actually feel like I got more out of the class than I might have had I not been so inquisitive. Granted I may have been influenced by one too many Zen books recently, but still, I am intrigued by how much this class has changed me. My teacher also said some things during our last class that truly resonated with me. My teacher has always espoused the benefits of giving and receiving love and of cultivating genuine feelings of happiness. Yes, yes I thought, I understand that but I can’t be happy all the time. Who can? And not be put in a loony bin? This time though, he still emphasized love and happiness, but also balance.

“Enjoy the tired!”  or “Enjoy the pain!” he would say during a particularly uncomfortable stance. We would laugh, but it was true. It’s important to appreciate every moment, not just the moments that feel good to you.

“Sometimes,” he said, “bad is good for you and good is bad.”

Meaning, what may seem like a really bad situation, say, getting fired, may actually result in something good – you get fired, but then land an even better paying and personally satisfying job somewhere else. And what may seem good at the time, like landing the best job you ever thought possible,  turns out to be a nightmare – you find yourself working 80 hours a week, you hate your boss and you have no personal life. I actually experienced that one myself. I didn’t work 80 hours a week, but the job I thought was my dream job turned out to be nothing like I thought it would be. It was a very disheartening realization (a major understatement), but one I’m glad I had.

Okay, okay enough rambling. Here is a brief recap of some of the things I’ve learned. But first, what the heck is Sheng Zhen Qigong? I’ll quote the Sheng Zhen website, since they say it best:

“Sheng Zhen Wuji Yuan Gong is a system of moving and non-moving meditations. Although it appears to be similar to the traditional forms of Chinese qigong and gives all the benefits of traditional qigong such as healing and the strengthening and balancing of the mind and body, it is much more than that. The postures and movements of Wuji Yuan Gong have messages and mental images which are contemplated as they are being practiced. When practiced diligently and with sincerity, from within, one begins to find answers to the deepest questions in life. Far from just being a practice that enhances one’s health Wuji Yuan Gong then also becomes a vehicle for the transformation of consciousness. In time, it brings one to the experience of one’s original nature, which is Love.”

Here also, is a video introduction. Yay video!

Back in January when I first started practicing, we learned these movements, which are demonstrated here by my teacher’s daughter. You’ll have to actually click the link to view it since embedding has been disabled. The movements we learned recently are called Kuan Yin Standing Qigong, which I believe means “Compassion” (Update: Ah, I should do more research – Kaun Yin is the bodhisattva of compassion. Jesus Christ, you mean I’ve been learning Buddhism this whole time???). Here’s another video demonstrating this. Try to ignore the sleepy lady talking through the movements. I actually prefer to mute it, but hey, you might actually enjoy the sleepy lady. And that’s okay too (haha – points finger and laughs. just kidding).

That’s it from me as far as Sheng Zhen Qigong! If you’d like to learn more, I recommend going to the Sheng Zhen Qigong website. I’ve only taken Sheng Zhen Qigong for five months and there is a lot that I don’t know, so if you are intrigued and want to learn more that is the best place to start.

Happy Qigonging!

I’ll admit it. I don’t practice very regularly. I do about 10-15 minutes of standing meditation each morning and go to Qigong class every week, but that’s about it. Lately, I have been practicing a bit more, but not every day. So while this schedule is very convenient for me and my busy life, it kind of feels like I’m half-assing it. I don’t like that.

But what’s the best way to deal with those excuses that pop up? You know the ones – I’m too tired, I’m too emotional (well, maybe that’s just me), I don’t have time, I just ate, I want to eat – RIGHT NOW, my cat needs to be fed, I have too much work to do, blah, blah, blah.

The most pleasant and satisfying response I’ve encountered to this question, was written by Linda Myoki-Lehrhaupt, in her book T’ai Chi as a path of wisdom. She sees the matter of motivating yourself to practice, not as a question, but as an invitation from a special friend. If we can imagine ourselves as this special friend that we love and care about and would do anything for, then we might find the invitation to do tai chi (or qigong) much harder to turn down. We are patient, understanding and unconditionally loving with the friends that are near and dear to us. Why then, not turn this same attention to the care of yourself and your practice? Indeed…

Some people take Qigong initially because they believe it will give them special powers, like telepathy or telekinesis for example. I am reluctant to accept this, despite the fact that I have felt the power of my own qi in class every week. Holding my hands out in front of my chest, it literally feels like I’m hugging a helium balloon. It is kind of weird, but also, very natural.

Still, I don’t think it’s healthy to pursue Qigong (or any martial art for that matter) for the sole purpose of gaining power – psychic or otherwise. To me, it misses the whole point. And maybe that point is different for everyone, but for me the purpose of Qigong is to find balance and to learn how to deal with my fears. It has ultimately developed into a way for me to cultivate unconditional love, for myself and others, but to be honest, going into it I didn’t get the connection between love and Qigong (well, at least the kind of Qigong I am doing, which is Sheng Zhen Qigong – Qigong of unconditional love). Ah, but now I do. When you slow down and you are balanced and not afraid, you do feel a lot more loving and open. Simple as that.

Now, having said all that, I’ll share a video clip with Bill Moyers, meeting a man in China who displays incredible feats of strength just with his qi. Hype? Real? Decide for yourself…

I couldn’t stop looking at my hands. Following my Qigong movements in the mirror during class, all I could think about were how big my hands looked. Usually girls worry about their breasts or the size of their butts, but for me, I guess it’s my hands. Not that I am particularly unhappy with my hands. I think they’re quite nice actually! But on this day they looked a bit large to me. Maybe it was due to suggestion. After all, Master Li tells us to imagine our hands as huge, taking in qi from the universe. I like to imagine my hands look like the Hamburger Helper glove.

I guess it’s hard for me to take myself too seriously in my Qigong class. Not that I don’t take Qigong seriously, because I do. But there is something about it that brings out the silliness in me. I resist the idea of putting too much power into my teacher and into the practice itself. After years of searching outside of myself for answers and looking to other people, I’ve finally learned that the answers to the questions I am asking are always inside. Master Li can guide us, but he doesn’t have the answers for us. Be wary of any teacher that claims to know the truth. It’s tempting, I think, to want someone else to tell you what is true, what is wrong and what to believe. It seems so much easier than experiencing all the pain of facing your own fears and determining the truth for yourself. But it comes at a price. A very high price. There are entirely too many people in the world willing to take on this role for you. It gives them a sense of purpose and power.

Nothing delights me more than poking holes in these peoples’ beliefs. And humor is ideal for poking holes and revealing truths. If someone can’t laugh at themselves, then I am highly suspicious that they are simply full of crap or of their own self-importance. Not that I am a saint by any means or that I don’t indulge my ego like everyone else. Still, it is humor that always brings me around. I’m very grateful for that.

On that note, I’d like to leave you with a little video by Brad Warner, “Brad Warner debates Genpo Roshi about BIG MIND™“.

Unconditional love is like breathing. As cliche as it may sound, I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for years.

This thought ocurred to me during my Qigong class this week and it dawned on me that I wasn’t really letting myself go and into the flow of the movements. Master Li stopped the class and asked one of the students in the middle of the room to continue doing the movements for the rest of us to see. She was beautiful. She was fully in the moment and put her whole body into it. You could just see it.

I was struck – because I’m embarrassed to let myself be that free in front of a group of people. How great if I could release that self-consciousness? How great it would be not to worry about being laughed at or criticized. This is the ideal place to release those fears and yet I find myself unable to. I am on the brink but cannot quite cross that boundary yet. It’s a little disappointing, but understandable. I’ve lived with this fear almost my entire life. It is familiar, albeit, paralyzing. But still, the unknown is scary. I haven’t let that stop me before though, so I will keep coming back and just try to take it one step at a time.

I’ve been taking Qigong now for seven weeks. But this isn’t just any Qigong – this is Sheng Zhen Qigong – Qigong of Unconditional Love. To get an idea of what I’ve been learning, here is a video of Master Li’s daughter doing the exact movements I’ve been learning (although admittedly with much more agility and grace than I have at the moment).

There is no mysterious force behind the movements. It is a practice. But that does not mean it is without intent or without heart. It is all about heart actually. And to practice without intent is well…a bit pointless.

In my spare time (ha!), I’ve also been participating in the AIR Interactive. What is that, you say? It is the Accessible Internet Rally which occurs every spring. Teams come together and compete against one another to build a website for a non-profit that is completely accessible. Then, we attend SXSW Interactive and find out who wins! So, a worthy non-profit gets a brand new redesigned website for free and another website on the world wide web is made accessible. Not to mention, web developers get to learn how to make their sites more accessible on a day to day basis.

Our team is in the design phase now. I decided to try my hand at designing from scratch and luckily the designer on our team humored me. Ultimately though, when I saw her design I immediately knew it was the better one. I am humbled, but also inspired. It is my wish to become more creative in what I do every day, so I’ll keep plugging away…

This is Sheng Zhen Healing Qigong. I am in my third week of classes and I love it. I have to admit that I still have my heart set on returning to a Tai Chi class, but this class has given me such wonderful insight into myself, as well as, the movements I practiced in Tai Chi. Sheng Zhen means unconditional love. It has the same underlying principles as Tai Chi, in that there is no judgement, criticism or competition. It just is. And that is so refreshing to me.

I walked up to my teacher after class last Monday and thanked her, because when I go to this class, I feel like a kid again. I feel like I did before all the craziness of the world came flooding into my mind – before all the doubts, the heartache, the frustration and the struggle. In this class, all of it is gone and I am reminded of who I used to be – of who I really am. So few of us have the opportunity to even remember what that feels like, we are so busy. I feel extremely lucky and blessed.

I have had a few skeptical looks. Qigong? What the…? But instead of trying to explain, I like to tell the story of my teacher. She has been practicing Qigong for six years now. When she first started, she could barely lift her arms. Her fingers curled inward and her joints caused her tremendous pain. After practicing Qigong, she started gaining strength in her arms, her joints became less rigid and she became more flexible. Now she can move about freely and has no pain whatsoever. She also says she is a much happier person all around. It shows in class, as she has a very calm, light and pleasant demeanor.  I think it also helps that she smiles when doing the movements. It makes everyone else smile too.