Obey My Blog

Since I’m finishing up Ray Bradbury’s Zen in the Art of Writing, I thought I’d share this hilarious video of a commercial  featuring…Ray Bradbury! I want to travel about in pneumatic people tubes! Is it just me, or is it kind of funny that a prune commercial features the word pneumatic? Okay, maybe it’s just me…

I just started reading, Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury and was just about knocked over by the preface – the preface! The thing that no one ever reads!

He asks,

“How long has it been since you wrote a story where your real love or your real hatred somehow got onto the paper? When was the last time you dared release a cherished prejudice so it slammed the page like a lightning bolt? What are the best things and the worst things in your life, and when are you going to get around to whispering or shouting them?”

I can’t argue with that. Reading those words, it’s very obvious to me that, despite my best intentions, I’ve been hiding – in my writing, in my Qigong practice and in my relationships. I’ve been afraid to really put my heart into something I care about. Oh I try…but trying is not the same as putting your whole heart into it, or telling yourself, fear be damned, I’m going for it.

In my search for peace and a sense of balance, I have to wonder, have I just been looking for a way not to feel? In pursuing Qigong, am I kidding myself that I am really facing my fears or am I just looking for a way to outrun them, so that I can enjoy a few moments of tingly feel-goodness? I like to think that I am facing my fears, because there is something about slowing down that makes you reflect on things you might not otherwise get around to fully acknowledging. However, I do feel that a part of me wishes that I could stay within that inbetween place, where you are not happy, sad, angry or disillusioned, because in that space you do not risk anything. But that is the most unfortunate of places.

When it comes down to it, Qigong – and writing for that matter – make me feel alive. Perhaps I should fully embrace that, rather than go through each movement and each word with hesitation and the fear of truly revealing myself.

Monday

Today just felt kind of wrong. It kind of felt like watching a tsunami. You’re staring at the ocean, watching the tide pull back, the bottom exposed and revealed. It’s strangely beautiful. You’re a little mesmerized and you think, wow, this is such a rare and wonderful occurrence. I think I will take out my journal and write about it or maybe I should take a photo…oh but the batteries are dead. Perhaps I should sketch it with my Precise V5 Rolling Ball pen. Hmmmm, yes, but I only have college-ruled notebook paper. Darn it all. Maybe I should…and then in the middle of your wondrous thought process you are barreled over by a 600 foot wave. Yes. It is Monday.

I had a blissful moment of peace last night while listening to Priscilla Ahn and tried to keep the song Dream in my head all day to prolong the feeling. But you know how that goes. It did help though. While humming along to the cd in my car this afternoon, I chose not to flip off a lady in the parking lot at Best Buy. This is enlightenment folks. Drink it in.

I’m all full of giddiness and excitement for the new year. I’ve made all kinds of resolutions – something I never do. One of my resolutions is to improve my health. Okay, simple enough, but it’s starting to dawn on me what this really entails. Today, I bought Superfood and Cod Liver Oil. Dear God, I am turning into my parents… But I’m hoping that taking these on a daily basis will help balance my energy (I have a tendency to burn bright and then peeter out).  And who knows, it might just help me with my Qigong practice.

Beloved Bread

As part of this healthy lifestyle, I have to eliminate sugar. Okay, I don’t drink sodas very often, so that’s a huge chunk right there already taken care of. Alcohol will be a bit more difficult, but maybe I can just start limiting my alcohol consumption to the weekends. But bread. I love bread. I don’t have to eliminate bread completely, but the best kind of bread is really the worst for you. Damnit. Okay, maybe I’ll gradually reduce my bad bread consumption.  Or maybe it will be my one vice. Oh wait, I already have one of those and it’s called the social smoke. Hmmm, moderation is key right? I mean, I can keep a few vices as long as I don’t overdo it? Right? Right?

Here’s to a healthy 2009!