Obey My Blog

Animation student John Francis Leo recently created this awesome video of Darth Vader doing the 42 Movements of Tai Chi Straight Sword. I was just talking to someone the other day about how I much I would love to learn Tai Chi Sword. Looks like I’ve found my answer!

Star Wars Tai Chi from John Leo on Vimeo.

Being new at something is scary. Maybe not mind-boggling scary, but nonetheless, most people (myself included) would prefer to move through the “newbie” stage as quickly as possible. Why is that?

I visited the Austin Zen Center for a second round of the Beginner’s Instruction (hey, I’m a slow learner) and our instructor this time around brought up an interesting point. How do you relate to the form? Meaning, what is your relationship to just sitting there? How do you react and what comes up for you? I never thought about it in that way and it got me thinking about being new at something and how I relate to the forms in Tai Chi (and in Qigong and now Bagua).

My usual reaction? To crack jokes. While waiting for my friend to join me at the Zen Center, the room was full of serious quietude and anticipation. I was so excited to be there though that I didn’t feel like being serious, so when my friend walked in I said in a loud, booming voice, “Shhhh – we’re sitting zazen!”

It is the same for me when I practice Tai Chi and when I’ve practiced Qigong. For the most part, I’m really happy to be there, despite being nervous about making mistakes or whatever other fear crops up when I’m learning something new in class. So the way I get myself through the fear is by using humor, or playing the fool or indulging in silliness.

But why the need for any coping mechanism? What’s so wrong about being new at something anyway and why do so many people try to rush through it (as if it ever ends!)?

I’ve noticed this in my Baguazhang class as well. Half the class already knows Baguazhang and the other half are completely new to it. Us newbies learn by following the more knowledgable students. This is fine by me and it actually helps, but there is little time spent in class for reflecting on what we’re doing. We walk into class and immediately go into drills. For an hour and a half non-stop. I poke fun at the masculine energy in the air, which in reality I don’t have a problem with, but there seems to be this rush to get through the beginning stages as quickly as possible. And you know, maybe that’s just my perspective, but it does make me wonder – where are we rushing to and why so quickly?

Most people associate Tai Chi with peace, solemnity and seriousness, but I’ve found these expectations more of a hindrance than a guide.  I began Tai Chi in a very shy, serious way, because I was intimidated by the practice. Tai Chi was, to me, this mysterious, ancient martial art that required a disciplined grace that seemed completely foreign to me, but for which I secretly yearned. On the day of my very first Tai Chi class, I was worried I’d have to reveal some deep, spiritual reason for wanting to pursue it. At the time, I just wanted to relieve the enormous heap of stress I felt.  I was elated and relieved when the teacher walked into the room, threw down his duffel bag and wordlessly began the warm-ups.

I continued practicing in this serious manner until one day, well into our Tai Chi class, I started joking around with my partner during Push Hands.  Our laughter gently rippled through the classroom and all at once I surprised myself and began to relax. I discovered that in Tai Chi, as well as Qigong, there is a certain humor that emerges when I finally allow myself to relax and stop taking myself and my practice so seriously.

I was reminded of this last week during Silk Reeling. I was trying very hard to remain connected in each movement. To not swing my arms ahead of my body and to not speed up. My teacher walked up, stood in front of me and said,

“Are you comfortable?”

“No,” I laughed.

To which she smiled and adjusted my arms and my back.

“Try it again this way.”

The adjustment was subtle, but the difference was amazing. I could feel a warmth through the center of my body and my arms and my legs felt completely in sync. I lit up. Holy crap! That’s what she was talking about! I felt relaxed and connected all at the same time, without the tension I had felt before. I smiled and found it humorous that for all my concentration and effort, I was only making myself more tense.

There is a really great story from Kenneth Cohen’s book, The Way of Qigong, in which he asks a prominent Qigong master what he should do if a student has serious emotional difficulties and begins to cry while doing Standing Meditation. His reply? That the student should relax. Puzzled, he asks “But what if this only made matters worse?” Again, the Qigong master replies, that the student simply needs to relax.

I’d like to add to that and say, that perhaps the student also needs to laugh! Not a giddy, overexcited laughter, mind you. But a laugh that comes from releasing all that tension and relaxing into the moment, not taking yourself or your practice too seriously.

Next week I begin another class. Baguazhang. My Tai Chi Silk Reeling class will end in June and there will not be another class until September, so I’m taking this opportunity to learn something a little different. Actually it’s A LOT different. Baguazhang is very much a fighting martial art, as much as it is internal. I’ve been reluctant to pursue any of the harder martial arts like Kung Fu (which Baguazhang is a type), because I wasn’t looking to be a fighter. I didn’t want to fight. I got into way too many fights as young teenager and I didn’t want to bring that anger out again and refuel it. But what I didn’t realize before getting into Tai Chi and Qigong is that the martial arts – even the hard martial arts – are not about perpetuating anger and in fact are more about understanding it and accepting it, so that it doesn’t control you or overwhelm you. How wrong I was before! So I am excited to see how this goes. Here is a clip of my teacher, Kuan Wang, demonstrating a few moves from Baguazhang. I’m intrigued by his choice of music. This could be interesting…

I had a dream last night and this is how it went:

I’m running. I look over and Cate Blanchett, the actress, is running next to me. We’re running from a giant lizard-like serpent thingy that’s chasing after us and wants to eat us. We run into a locker room, desperate for a place to hide. We look around but there are only two options – the bathroom or a small crevice between the end of the lockers and the wall. We both look at each other and head for the crevice. It’s the most obvious place and we know we won’t be completely hidden, but there isn’t any other place to go. We grab hold of each other and wedge ourselves into the crevice and wait for the inevitable. Cate starts to sing (the only logical thing to do when you’re about to get eaten). Her voice is beautiful, but does little to distract me from the giant lizard serpent making it’s way through the locker room towards us. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait. I feel the ground tremble. I sense it’s presence mere feet away and I hold my breath, anticipating the moment I’ll feel teeth. And then…nothing. There is silence. Curious, I cautiously open my eyes and look over. Instead of a hideous monster hovering over us there is only a chubby, half-naked Japanese lady with her head tilted to one side, staring at us, obviously taken with Cate’s voice. We  hesitate for a second, not really comprehending, but then make a mad dash for the door. We leave the stunned, half-naked Japanese lady standing there.

The moral of the story?

That our fears may sometimes seem to us like enormous lizard-like serpent thingies chasing us down, but when truly revealed, they are really nothing but chubby, half-naked Japanese ladies.

Ha!

Tonight was another awesome Silk Reeling class. I’m so incredibly glad I decided to give this teacher another chance. It really has been wonderful so far and I’m thoroughly enjoying it. I had every intention of signing up for the Tai Chi class following this, but then I started doing some research on Baguazhang. Which was also in my dream last night oddly enough. The word kept repeating in my head over and over. When I woke up, there it was again – Baguazhang! Ugh, I could not get rid of that word for the life of me (it is kind of a funny word). But anyway, I didn’t give it much thought after that, until I walked up to my Silk Reeling class this evening and saw a flyer posted for – Baguazhang! Un-freakin-believable. So, I think I’m going to sign up for it. I don’t want to jump around too much and be a flaky martial artist, but I am so intrigued by Baguazhang (!) that I may have to explore this.

And now…a clip from the best worst martial arts movie e-v-e-r… The Black Mask.

Since I’m finishing up Ray Bradbury’s Zen in the Art of Writing, I thought I’d share this hilarious video of a commercial  featuring…Ray Bradbury! I want to travel about in pneumatic people tubes! Is it just me, or is it kind of funny that a prune commercial features the word pneumatic? Okay, maybe it’s just me…

I couldn’t stop looking at my hands. Following my Qigong movements in the mirror during class, all I could think about were how big my hands looked. Usually girls worry about their breasts or the size of their butts, but for me, I guess it’s my hands. Not that I am particularly unhappy with my hands. I think they’re quite nice actually! But on this day they looked a bit large to me. Maybe it was due to suggestion. After all, Master Li tells us to imagine our hands as huge, taking in qi from the universe. I like to imagine my hands look like the Hamburger Helper glove.

I guess it’s hard for me to take myself too seriously in my Qigong class. Not that I don’t take Qigong seriously, because I do. But there is something about it that brings out the silliness in me. I resist the idea of putting too much power into my teacher and into the practice itself. After years of searching outside of myself for answers and looking to other people, I’ve finally learned that the answers to the questions I am asking are always inside. Master Li can guide us, but he doesn’t have the answers for us. Be wary of any teacher that claims to know the truth. It’s tempting, I think, to want someone else to tell you what is true, what is wrong and what to believe. It seems so much easier than experiencing all the pain of facing your own fears and determining the truth for yourself. But it comes at a price. A very high price. There are entirely too many people in the world willing to take on this role for you. It gives them a sense of purpose and power.

Nothing delights me more than poking holes in these peoples’ beliefs. And humor is ideal for poking holes and revealing truths. If someone can’t laugh at themselves, then I am highly suspicious that they are simply full of crap or of their own self-importance. Not that I am a saint by any means or that I don’t indulge my ego like everyone else. Still, it is humor that always brings me around. I’m very grateful for that.

On that note, I’d like to leave you with a little video by Brad Warner, “Brad Warner debates Genpo Roshi about BIG MIND™“.

Okay, so you’ve probably seen this. But if you haven’t…a nice chuckle for you…

Monday

Today just felt kind of wrong. It kind of felt like watching a tsunami. You’re staring at the ocean, watching the tide pull back, the bottom exposed and revealed. It’s strangely beautiful. You’re a little mesmerized and you think, wow, this is such a rare and wonderful occurrence. I think I will take out my journal and write about it or maybe I should take a photo…oh but the batteries are dead. Perhaps I should sketch it with my Precise V5 Rolling Ball pen. Hmmmm, yes, but I only have college-ruled notebook paper. Darn it all. Maybe I should…and then in the middle of your wondrous thought process you are barreled over by a 600 foot wave. Yes. It is Monday.

I had a blissful moment of peace last night while listening to Priscilla Ahn and tried to keep the song Dream in my head all day to prolong the feeling. But you know how that goes. It did help though. While humming along to the cd in my car this afternoon, I chose not to flip off a lady in the parking lot at Best Buy. This is enlightenment folks. Drink it in.