Obey My Blog

No, no, no. No more talk of unconditional love. No more pontificating on the meaning of life. No more talking. I just want to do Qigong. In class this past week I felt disconnected and aloof. Not like me at all (well, in class anyway). A couple of students started chatting about how it’s possible to pick up negative energy from someone else and carry it with you. Our teacher started talking about all the exotic places he would be visiting this summer. At the end of class, everyone gathered around him to hear his words on why cultivating unconditional love and happiness are important to your health and the quality of your life. All of this seemed to run together and turn into something like a pop song I’ve heard on the radio a thousand times. I like the song, but I’ve heard it so many times that it’s starting to lose its original meaning for me. I really wanted to go back to the time before when it was fresh, new and made me want to sing along.

I didn’t really feel like singing along this time and a part of me kind of felt guilty for that. At the same time, I can’t deny that I’ve been feeling just a bit disillusioned with my practice. Well, actually it’s not my practice really. On that I am clear. I love practicing Qigong and I love practicing Tai Chi. It’s when philosophical underpinnings get tacked onto my practice that I start squirming.

On the other hand, I think these philosophical underpinnings are very important. I absolutely agree with my teacher that cultivating unconditional love and happiness are important to creating health and improving your quality of life. I think more people should consider this. Especially the employees of the Ruzyne International Airport in Prague (if you’ve never experienced customer service in a former Communist country, I highly recommend it.). However, in the context of this class, it feels strange to me. Even though that’s what initially attracted me to the class. Absurd!

I guess it goes back to my resistance to teachers in general. I have believed in philosophies and people who I discovered later on were completely full of crap. Needless to say, it’s a very disillusioning experience to find that everything you believed in wholeheartedly and passionately was in reality a complete fabrication. It’s made me just a wee bit gun-shy (is that the word I’m looking for? I don’t know.).

I have no solution here by the way. I’ll just keep on practicing. Because I love it. And I’ll keep on questioning my teacher, while (hopefully) remaining humble and open to learning. It’s a weird compromise, but the only one that satisfies me at the moment.

My quest to get back into Tai Chi has been diverted – by Qigong! I was cruising the web, checking out spring Tai Chi classes when I spotted it – a Qigong class. I couldn’t resist. My hand dove into my purse for the credit card, my fingers quickly but gently typed out my personal information and then…submit. It was done. I breathed a sigh of relief. Because I really enjoyed that last Qigong class I took. And I really want to get back to that place.

The Convio Summit was a success (yay!) but I am happy to no longer be in a state of intense stress. Yes, even an acupuncture treatment couldn’t relax me (insane, no?).  But it did take the edge off and gave me a little bit of clarity and breathing room in my own head. I heart my acupuncturist.

This week I will be staying in town for Thanksgiving – something I haven’t done in I can’t remember how long.  Ah wait, I remember the last time I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving. It was 2002 – Brno, Czech Republic. They don’t really do Thanksgiving food there (kinda like they really don’t do Mexican food there…don’t let the chain stores fool you!) so me and my fellow expats threw together a Czechified Thanksgiving. It wasn’t that tasty, but there was lots of delicious red wine to wash it all down with. Anyway, this year my Dad will actually be joining me and the twinkie in Austin this year. It is a good and unexpected turn of events.

In 2 weeks I will travel to DC! I haven’t been back in over a year and I am super excited. Funny thing is, I really want to go back to my old neighborhood grocery store in Falls Church and see if the same people are  still there. I miss them. I clearly remember my last trip to that grocery store. I didn’t say goodbye to any of them – only in my head – and made a mental note to think of them often. I hope they are all doing okay.