Obey My Blog

Okay. I’m not exactly lost. But I was reading through Penelope Trunk’s latest blog post “When You’re Feeling Lost Don’t Hide” and it hit me. Holy crap, I’m lost!

Well, at least when it comes to one of my great passions, Tai Chi.

Where the heck is my Tai Chi practice going, I wonder?

I’m signing up for another Tai Chi class this fall, but what happens after that? Does there have to be anything after that? And why am I worrying so much about it anyway?

I’ve been reluctant to write anything here, because I think, what else can I say about Tai Chi that hasn’t already been said? I also don’t like giving advice about Tai Chi, because I truly feel that each individual person has to come to their own understanding and routine. What works for me, may not work for you.

On the other hand, I do find it helpful when I learn about other people’s experiences – even those not related to Tai Chi.

I’ve been reading Not Always So, by Shunryu Suzuki, in preparation for a class that starts next week at the Austin Zen Center. There was one particular passage that struck me and I’d like to share it with you here.

“Yesterday, I said, “However painful your legs are, you shouldn’t move,” and some people may have understood what I said literally. What I was really saying is that your determination should be like that. And “should be” is also a good example. It is not necessarily so.”

It occurred to me after reading this that perhaps I’ve been clinging to a lot of shoulds. I often feel my Tai Chi practice “should be” something that it is not. But that’s kind of silly and self-defeating. So why not work with what I’ve got and just keep going? Sometimes “should be” isn’t necessarily the right or appropriate answer. Especially when feeling lost or frustrated. What may be more important is the determination to keep going.

And also, perhaps, as Penelope says, feeling lost is often just a part of forging your own path.

My new class, Tai Chi 8 Energies and 5 Steps, will incorporate routines for eight energies and five movements of traditional long forms. I’m already familiar with the long form, but not these mysterious eight energies (which according to the AOMA website, includes Peng (ward off), Lu (roll back), Ji (press), An (push), Cai (strike downward), Lie (split), Zhou (elbow strike), and Kao (shoulder strike)). I’m looking forward to diving back into the practice and becoming humbled, once again, by all there is to know and learn.

I happily carried my 9 lb ball to Tai Chi Ball class. 9 lbs! That’s almost a baby. Or something. My teacher eyed it with what I thought was a pleased look, but actually…was not. She took a look around the class and then asked me to trade. She wanted me to experience holding a heavier ball. I like my teacher and of course, I trust her, so I traded balls with one of my classmates. While my nice 9 lb medicine ball was leathery and stitched, this was a glossy and smooth heavy-ass bowling ball. Noting the weight of it I suddenly realized her point. I was never going to gain strength from a 9 lb ball.

Okay, I said. I’ll exchange this one. What do you think? Perhaps a 12 lb one?

No, she replied. 15.

Gulp.

I now have my 15 lb ball. It’s freakin’ heavy. It’s squishy and weighted so that it actually feels heavier than a 15 lb bowling ball. It’s awful. But now at least I don’t feel like a weeny in class. And I’m kind of getting used to it. Kind of.

Oh and check this out – I finally ordered myself a pair of these beautiful Onitsuka “Tiger” Tai Chi shoes from Zappos. Yay shoes! Now, instead of slipping and sliding around the dojo in my socks (which, admittedly, is fun to do sometimes) I can move around like a real Tai Chi master!

Okay, not exactly like a master, but you know what I mean.

I’ll soon be practicing Tai Chi with a big ‘ol ball.

Yes, that’s right.

A ball.

The (almost) lost art of Tai Chi Ball Exercise strengthens your core muscles and helps develop the qi in your dantian. It can also significantly improve your Tai Chi practice.

I kind of think if I just practiced more, though, my Tai Chi would improve, but my life has been rather busy lately. I only make time to meditate.

Which means my body, while centered, is getting a little flabby. Oh no!

Must. Work. On. Core. Muscles.

Maybe you think that’s strange. Maybe you think, Robin, why do I need some stupid ball to improve my Tai Chi?

Well, maybe you don’t. How should I know? But…Tai Chi Ball Exercise was the first part of the workshop that Grand Master Chen Qing Zhou taught while he was in Austin and I completely missed it. Mostly because it was a Saturday and I wanted to sleep in. But still, I realize that this is pretty important to the practice of Chen Style Tai Chi.

Look, I mean, even Lance Armstrong does it! Well, okay, not exactly, but it’s on his website.

So there’s that. But first, I’ll be finishing up part 3 of my Chen Tai Chi Old Frame 1st Routine class.

That’s 75 forms!

75 forms that I still haven’t really embodied. So I’m thinking of taking the whole class all over again.

I know, crazy right? But I love Tai Chi and I still feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface.

I briefly considered moving on to something new, but these days, I’m not sure I particularly enjoy starting over quite as much as I used to. I think perhaps starting something new provides some initial excitement, but lately I’ve become more interested in discovering what’s beyond the newness. What’s there that I’ve been missing? What have I overlooked or not appreciated?

Could be interesting…

Now that my legs have fully recovered from the workshop with Grand Master Chen Qing Zhou, I have more blood available to my brain to write something halfway coherent today. Yay!

Grandmaster Chen caused me great pain. Pain, I tell you! Yet, I willingly went up to him and allowed him to demonstrate several moves, like twisting my arm back in on itself, throwing me to the ground, etc.

This was starting to hurt after a while and I wanted to defend myself. But how?

At one point, as I was hurtling to the ground in another one of Master Chen’s vice grips, I made a desperate and feeble attempt to lightly punch Master Chen with my other, less compromised arm. Just to prove that I wasn’t an imbecile who was going to sit there and take it.

And then it hit me.

Robin, what the hell are you doing? You’re trying to punch Master Chen?!

And then I thought, but he’s trying to hurt me – I must defend myself!

I wondered what Master Chen would think. I wondered what my teacher would think. I was suddenly both horrified and foolishly proud of my reaction.

And then I looked up into the eyes of these two teachers.

And they both burst out laughing.

“Do not resist!” Master Chen said.

In Tai Chi, one of the worst things you can do is resist. Still, this is the hardest thing for me to accept. In the two years that I’ve been practicing martial arts, you’d think I’d get this by now. But no.

At the end of our day together, Master Chen encouraged us all to keep practicing. He also emphasized the importance of hard work. Which made me happy. Seriously. A lot of people want to obtain good health, strength, agility and even enlightenment through Tai Chi without doing any of the work. Unfortunately (or fortunately, rather) it doesn’t work that way.

But, I have to admit that even this misses the point. As strict as Master Chen is (and he is), he loves what he’s doing and has fun doing it.

This is what impressed me the most, I think. It wasn’t his expertise or his quick moves. It was the fact that he was not in it for himself, if that makes sense. There was nothing I could say or do that would put him on the defensive. He knew who he was – and he knew who we were.

Before saying our official goodbyes, Master Chen half-jokingly stormed around the room, going up to each one of us and looking us in the eyes – showing us his spirit, he said. Watching him and the other students’ reactions was fascinating. Some backed away a little (understandably so). Some stood their ground and looked right back at him. When he came up to me and I looked him in the eyes, I simply softened. I was surprised. I was supposed to be afraid and yet I couldn’t see anything scary in there. Weird.

I’m not sure when Master Chen will be back. But in November, Grandmaster Chen Zhenglei is expected to be in Austin to give one of his workshops. I’m giddy with excitement because I’m much more familiar with his style than with Grand Master Chen Qing Zhou’s. Hmmm, perhaps this means I won’t screw up as much in his class. One can only hope… But then, that might not be as much fun.

PAIN. Soreness. PAIN.

Just kidding.

I’m not in that much pain – now.

The Chen Style Tai Chi workshop I attended with Grand Master Chen Qing Zhou this past weekend went something like this:

“Wrong!”

“Stop!”

“Wrong direction!”

“No.”

“That’s not right!”

“Stop laughing!”

“This is not a joke!”

“Wrong!”

“Wrong!”

“Wrong!”

“No!”

I have the image of Master Chen throwing his hands up in the air over and over because of something I did wrong now etched into my brain forever.

He’s a wonderful dude, don’t get me wrong. He just doesn’t fool around when it comes to teaching Tai Chi.

At one point I was paired with him to do double push hands (yes, God hates me). I have never done double push hands in my life – only single push hands. So, I had no earthly idea what I was doing. Realizing this, Master Chen kept pushing me back, further and further towards the wall. Then with the flick of his wrist, he slapped the tip of my nose with the back of his hand.

Humiliated and defeated all I could do was laugh.

And then plot my revenge.

I have to give kudos to my teacher, Yuxia Qiu – who co-taught the entire workshop AND translated AND took correction from Master Chen, all at the same time. She even helped me out a few times and I made sure to thank her.

One of the highlights of the workshop was when Master Chen asked us to put our hands on his belly and back so that we could feel what his dantian was doing during the movements. Grandmasters traditionally do not do this. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. His belly is like a rock, let me tell you. A big round rock. It’s weird. And awesome.

While we were on break for lunch, I walked around the Austin Fitness Martial Arts dojo and came across an altar, with Guan Yu at the very top. Guan Yu, I was told, is the protector of the martial arts. How could I not know this? There’s so much I don’t know… But I was intrigued by this figure. And happy to spot the familiar image of Kuan Yin, the bodhisattva of compassion standing near him.

Speaking of compassion…Steven over at Real Taijiquan was kind enough to give me some very useful feedback on my blog last week. Thanks Steven! If you get a chance, go check out his site – he has a new optional minimalist theme, which I think is pretty cool!

On New Year’s Eve I ran into one of my previous Tai Chi classmates. We chatted briefly about what we’d been up to and he mentioned he was no longer doing Tai Chi, but had switched to Yoga. He expressed his frustration over never being able to remember the Tai Chi forms. I empathized and laughed, but then had the startling realization that since returning to Tai Chi again back in the fall, I could remember everything.

Funny – I had actually forgotten how much trouble I had remembering the movements when I first started. It was extremely frustrating! And yet, somehow over the past year, without my even realizing it, this ceased to be an issue. Craziness!

My Tai Chi class starts up again next week. Yay! But… my legs… They aren’t nearly strong enough. Even though I practice almost every morning, I still take it way too easy. When I’m in class, my legs are usually shaking by the end. At home, I can still walk. Which is not a good sign.

I’ve been getting a few questions lately about who my teacher is and what forms I know. Weird. But okay, that’s cool.

In the Tai Chi scheme of things, I am still pretty much a beginner (but still not exactly a noob). I’ve only ever studied Chen Style Tai Chi and have only made it through the Old Frame (Lao jia) 1st routine (of which there are 2 – and which I am now relearning). I don’t know all of the Chinese names for the forms – I just do them. I know. I should probably educate myself. But at this point, I’m just happy to be getting the movements down.

And my teacher, for the curious, is Yuxia Qiu. Qiu is pronounced like “chew.” When I first met her I tried very hard to use her first name, but after several attempts at trying to pronounce it correctly she smiled and told me I could just call her Qiu.

She learned Chen Style Tai Chi from Grandmaster Chen, Xiao Wang 陈小旺, and Grandmaster Chen, Zheng Lei 陈正雷 and has also practiced Yang Style Tai Chi Quan, Yang Style Tai Chi Sword, Shao Lin Long Fist, Baguazhang, and various forms of Qigong.

Whew!

Anyhoo…I’m excited!