Obey My Blog

PAIN. Soreness. PAIN.

Just kidding.

I’m not in that much pain – now.

The Chen Style Tai Chi workshop I attended with Grand Master Chen Qing Zhou this past weekend went something like this:

“Wrong!”

“Stop!”

“Wrong direction!”

“No.”

“That’s not right!”

“Stop laughing!”

“This is not a joke!”

“Wrong!”

“Wrong!”

“Wrong!”

“No!”

I have the image of Master Chen throwing his hands up in the air over and over because of something I did wrong now etched into my brain forever.

He’s a wonderful dude, don’t get me wrong. He just doesn’t fool around when it comes to teaching Tai Chi.

At one point I was paired with him to do double push hands (yes, God hates me). I have never done double push hands in my life – only single push hands. So, I had no earthly idea what I was doing. Realizing this, Master Chen kept pushing me back, further and further towards the wall. Then with the flick of his wrist, he slapped the tip of my nose with the back of his hand.

Humiliated and defeated all I could do was laugh.

And then plot my revenge.

I have to give kudos to my teacher, Yuxia Qiu – who co-taught the entire workshop AND translated AND took correction from Master Chen, all at the same time. She even helped me out a few times and I made sure to thank her.

One of the highlights of the workshop was when Master Chen asked us to put our hands on his belly and back so that we could feel what his dantian was doing during the movements. Grandmasters traditionally do not do this. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. His belly is like a rock, let me tell you. A big round rock. It’s weird. And awesome.

While we were on break for lunch, I walked around the Austin Fitness Martial Arts dojo and came across an altar, with Guan Yu at the very top. Guan Yu, I was told, is the protector of the martial arts. How could I not know this? There’s so much I don’t know… But I was intrigued by this figure. And happy to spot the familiar image of Kuan Yin, the bodhisattva of compassion standing near him.

Speaking of compassion…Steven over at Real Taijiquan was kind enough to give me some very useful feedback on my blog last week. Thanks Steven! If you get a chance, go check out his site – he has a new optional minimalist theme, which I think is pretty cool!

South By Southwest is here! Woohoo!

What does this have to do with Tai Chi?

Nothing!

Other than the fact that, since I am not attending on the company’s dollar this year, I can attend any panel I choose. And in order to create a better blog for you, my dear readers, I choose to attend A LOT of panels. On blogging! Yay!

On that note, if you have any feedback regarding this blog, please feel free to send me a message via my Contact Form. I welcome constructive criticism, as well as, nice thoughts.

Just try not to be mean, if you can. An irate man tailgated me halfway home from a morning sit at the Zen Center a few Saturdays ago. I laughed. Likewise, if you are mean, I may very well laugh at you, too.

So I’ll be getting my geek on starting this weekend, but NEXT weekend I am attending a workshop with Grand Master Chen Qing Zhou.

This guy is going to kick. my. ass. And I’m very much looking forward to it.

Chen Qing Zhou apparently began teaching within a year of learning Lao Jia Li Yu – the Old Form. The form that I am learning right now.

I have just learned the 34th form, Double Jump Kick (Ti Er Qi).

How am I EVER going to make it to the 75th? I think I’m going to have to wake up a lot earlier in the mornings…

I think back to when I first started learning Tai Chi and I shake my head. There is NO WAY I would have been able to teach back then! I don’t think I could teach now! Well, okay, I could probably, maybe teach some Silk Reeling, but there is so much more that I don’t know…

Over lunch this past weekend, I described to a friend of mine how I started off doing Tai Chi to help me deal with stress. Then I mentioned how I went to an (awesome) acupuncturist for a year, also because of stress. And then of course, I got into Zen. Also, in a way, to help me deal with stress (and for other reasons too, but it has definitely helped me deal with stress, that’s for sure).

Hmmm…so apparently – and this may have been obvious to everyone but me – I’ve been one stressed out chica!

(to my former roommates back in Virginia…I’m so, so sorry…)

And now for a riveting video from the Grand Master himself. Who makes these videos? I need to have a talk with them about music selection…

Last weekend I drove by the IRS building that Mr. Joseph Stack flew his plane into on Thursday, February 18. I was driving to the grocery store Sunday afternoon before Tai Chi class like I always do. I happened to look over and there it was with all of its broken windows and mangled building materials dangling from each of the floors. It was eerie in its ordinariness.

The night of that incident, here in North Austin, I watched The Bridge.

If you haven’t seen The Bridge, it is a film that documents a handful of people who chose to end their lives by jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge in 2004.

Needless to say, it was not easy to watch.

But over and over, as these individuals’ stories unfolded, I realized that all of them had particular expectations for who they thought they should be. And they were tortured by them. Some were suffering from mental illness, but the others almost obsessively compared themselves to ideals they had created in their minds about who they thought they were supposed to be.

And they simply couldn’t live with the fact that they didn’t meet those ideals and expectations.

Nearly six years ago, I almost couldn’t live with mine either.

Standing on the edge of the metro platform in Washington, DC, waiting for the next train, I looked down and marveled at how easy it would be to just jump in front of it. I was alone and completely lost in a soul-sucking temp job as an assistant at an investment bank. I could barely afford rent and food and though I wouldn’t admit it, I was still reeling from the bitter and painful divorce of my parents only a few years before. It was probably the lowest I’d ever been.

But I still couldn’t do it. I looked up and saw the headlights of the train beaming right at me and I became frightened. I didn’t want to die. Even in that much pain.

So when I learn about people who actually do go through with killing themselves I can only imagine their despair.

I see a very thin, but often times, very elusive, line between expectations and reality. On this line hangs a question – what if the people who ended their lives on the bridge just didn’t compare themselves to an ideal? What if they were just able to tell their expectations to piss off? What then? Could they have turned around and faced the road back into San Francisco, rather than face jumping into the water?

What are these expectations really and why do we let them dictate how we live? So what if we’re not rich by the time we’re 40. So what if we never sculpted the perfect career for ourselves (what is that anyway?). So what if we never got married or never had children. So what if we got divorced. So what if we went broke.

I challenge these expectations. They rob us of our humanity. They separate us from each other. How is that living?

In the most ordinary sense, on the most ordinary day, a man decided to fly his plane into a building in North Austin because the world didn’t meet his expectations.

His only solution?

Violence and death.

I challenge that.

It occurred to me today that I need to register for the SXSW Interactive. I missed it last year, but I am determined to attend this year, damnit! I’m looking forward to immersing myself in UX and Interactive Design – woohoo! The only thing I would like to avoid is the social media. I know, I know – how could I say that?? I’m just burned out on it I tell ya. It’s awesome, yes indeed, but I need a break man.

As an Anthropology student many years ago, I was pretty sure my advisor thought I was nuts for wanting to minor in Photography. How awesome and strange that I have somehow managed to combine my love of art and technology with my interest in helping people (through my job at Convio). I always thought I had to choose between the two.

Speaking of Photography, I finally got all the old black and white photographs I took in my classes back from my Dad. I couldn’t believe my eyes – they were – hideous! How is it that time distorts our memories so well? I knew that the second portfolio I put together was hideous when I did it. My heart wasn’t in it and it definitely shows. But all of my other photographs I cherished and thought exuded real talent. Well, they don’t. Not really. There are actually a few good ones, but most are overexposed, underexposed or just plain uninteresting. But that’s okay. I learned a lot from those classes and it’s still all here in the ol noodle. Just today I was eyeing a shiny new Nikon digital SLR. The D90. Oh yeah… a nice little diddy in my price range. Sort of…