She’s just not that into you
A Brief Guide for Men on Love in the Dojo or Zendo
(or anywhere for that matter)
1. No matter how much you may want to get it on with a woman in your dojo or zendo or whatever, try to refrain from expressing this directly to the woman in question and then telling her that 7:00am is a good time for her to call you. She may do one of the following:
a. Punch you in the face.
b. Laugh at you.
c. Run away and write a blog article about it.
2. If you still wish to express your undying passion for a woman in your dojo or zendo, try talking to her like a human being. Women respond to kind words. Really. (Well, okay, usually.)
3. Should you be rejected by said woman, it is probably best not to react by sending her an angry email in retaliation and then asking her to please write you back. Just sayin’.
4. Most women are in a dojo or zendo or whatever to actually practice martial arts and/or meditation (weird, I know). They are not there to stroke your ego. Or anything else for that matter.
5. A woman has every right not to like you. Really. Remember, just because a particular woman is not attracted to you, does not mean you are not an awesome person. It doesn’t mean she’s not an awesome person. All it really means is that she’s just not that into you. That is life. Be a gentleman and understand this.
I like to give men the benefit of the doubt. I do, seriously. Because there are a lot of really awesome men out there. I am fortunate to know some of them.
I too have been rejected. Many times. I know how it feels. It really blows. Which is why nowadays, during the rare times someone actually expresses an interest in me and I don’t feel the same, I try to be as upfront and respectful as I can.
But…
I have been heckled, taunted, harassed, chased down, nearly run off the road, called names, objectified, verbally and psychologically abused by numerous men during my very short time on this Earth so far. Ummm…It’s kind of getting old.
Not that I’m some awesome catch or anything (well, I am awesome, but that’s beside the point – it’s never really about me anyway). It’s not about that. It’s about respect.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Respect the women in (and out of) your dojo or zendo. You don’t know what they’ve been through. Respect the men too – you don’t know what they’ve been through. By honoring both sexes, you also honor yourself. By honoring yourself and not acting like a douchebag, you make the world a much better place.
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December 24th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Its jarring when someone violates the spirit of a place like that. And its lovely that he’s passive-aggressive too. Maybe more time studying, because obviously he hasn’t quite gotten it yet.
There shall be no rule above this one: Don’t be a douchebag.
December 24th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
You ARE pretty awesome. There are too many douche bags in the world. Keep kickin’ ass and writing about it.
December 25th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Thanks Michael! Oh I could tell you some stories…this is just the tip of the iceberg.
December 25th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Hey Marc! Thanks!
December 28th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
You’ve said some important things here, Robin. Keep up the good work. And thanks for “following” my blog. I’ll try to figure out if I can follow yours, too, and I’ll list yours on my blog list.
All the best,
T.
PS- Have we met?
December 29th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Hi Trevor. Thanks! Yes, I think it was either Kosho or Chris who introduced me to you a month or so ago at AZC. I recognized your name and thought how awesome it was that you had a blog. Welcome to Austin.
December 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Oh, yes, I remember you now. I thought that might have been you, but I wasn’t sure. nd you think it’s awesome that I have a blog?! Neat-o.
December 30th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Good points. And tender points. Once, when I was a kid, I knew a chauvinistic instructor. He didn’t trouble the students (as far as I know); he flirted with the Moms.
And, oh my… the video. I watched the whole thing: fascinated.
December 31st, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Mr. Smith! Thank you! Good to see you again.
Yes, the video… It cracks me up every time.